my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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