I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
