ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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