Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
