WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
nutella sex= disaster
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
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