I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
