I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
