I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
