So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
