k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i need some magic done to my vagina
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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