I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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