VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
