I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
