you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
