So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
