I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize