At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
