you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
