Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
