i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
