I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
