so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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