i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
