I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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