She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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