also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
