Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
