I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
