dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
