it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
