it was like eating out sand paper
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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