I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
