I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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