I met the friendliest cop last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
