Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
