It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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