Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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