Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
