I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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