oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
