I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
