but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
