we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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