Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize