If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
