i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
