i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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