just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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