the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize