so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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