oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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