Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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