It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize