You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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