I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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