you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
