you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
