He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
