My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
