I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
