Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
