i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize