A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize