Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
