OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
