i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
