Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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