Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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