Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
