i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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