just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
