Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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