last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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