His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
