ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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