you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
