Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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